The Tragedy of Perfection
by The Dragon's Scribe
Summary: Being the oldest, he felt responsible for everything. His brothers came first every time, even when it cost him everything—including himself. Leocentric one-shot.


**A/N: I just wanted to work up a serious fanfic before I got back to finishing up Shadows on the Wall and Night Skies. I was thinking about a favorite quote from a really good T.V. show and this is what came out of it. Enjoy, and please review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the TMNT.**

* * *

"Leo, we're gonna go explore! You wanna come?" Mikey's high pitched voice came from the exit of their home. The eight year old orange masked turtle stood next to his two older brothers—Raph and Don. The lair was dimly lit and it was late afternoon. Master Splinter was out scavenging for supplies and had left Leo in charge during his absence.

Leo, who had been sitting on the floor with his legs crossed underneath him, had taken to studying the pictures in a water-damaged martial arts magazine. He glanced over his shoulder at his brothers and looked uncertain. "Guys, I really don't think that's a good idea. Master Splinter doesn't like it when we go off on our own…" Leo trailed off.

Raph waved his hands dismissively. "Ah whatever, Leo, quit being such a teacher's pet!"

Leo frowned and stood, forgetting the magazine. "Raph, I'm serious. Sensei's gonna be really mad if we go out while he's gone." He crossed his arms in front of his plastron, a serious look on his young features. "What if something bad happens?"

Don smiled softly. "Come on, Leo. How often do we get to go exploring? I'm sure we can take care of ourselves."

Mikey nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, bro! We won't go that far!"

Leo's arms dropped to his sides and he didn't look convinced although a hesitant expression found its way onto his features. "It's not safe, though, and Master Splinter," He began.

"Master Splinter this! Master Splinter that! Whatever, we're going anyway, with or without you, Leo." Raph interrupted impatiently as he turned around and jogged out of the lair. "Come on guys, let's leave the chicken over there and go exploring." Mikey grinned wide and followed after Raph at a run while Don shrugged at Leo and followed as well.

Leo sighed and glanced back at his home before following after them. "Sensei's gonna be mad."

Raph grinned as he noticed Leo following and quickened the pace of their run, making Mikey whine about being hungry and the running not being healthy for his feet.

The brothers continued running for a long while, until they came up to a sudden drop at the end of the tunnel. Raph grinned at the water down below, seeing an adventure in the making. Don stared at the water curiously and Mikey looked giddy with excitement. Leo looked apprehensive and stood off a few feet away, glancing from his brothers to the way back home.

"Guys, we should go back. Master Splinter will notice we're gone." Leo said nervously.

Raph snorted at Leo's suggestion. "Bro, quit being such a goody-two-shoes and live a little! This could be awesome!"

"Or life-threatening." Don added.

Raph shot Don a look to which the younger turtle held up his hands in defense and moved back in Leo's direction. Mikey grinned. "Dude, you actually wanna jump down there?"

Raph grinned. "Of course! Unless you're chicken!"

Leo frowned. "Raph, I'm serious this time! This is really dangerous!"

Raph waved a hand at Leo dismissively. "Don't be a wuss, Leo. It's not even that far a drop." Raph said as he peeked down at the water below. "Come on, it's," He began just before slipping on the slick stone and losing his balance. He gave a cry of shock as he went over the edge.

"Raphie!" Mikey and Don cried at the same time.

Raph felt air rushing past him as he fell. A long-winded scream tore out of his throat. He turned to see the water rushing up to meet him. It swirled violently and Raph could see pieces of debris floating on the top of it. His eyes went wide before he screwed them shut and covered his face with his arms.

Something warm wrapped around him and twisted him around as he fell. He opened his eyes in shock to see emerald green skin, a flash of soft brown eyes, and the flutter of blue cloth. Then he hit the water and everything seemed blurred.

Leo gave a cry of pain as his shell struck the water—and the floating debris—with a _crack_. Tears streamed from his eyes and he felt his whole body go numb before everything went black.

Raph felt Leo's grip on him vanish and he shook his head as the water pulled and shoved at them. He swallowed and his head swiveled around as he looked for his brother. "Leo!" He shouted as he saw no sign of his older brother. His heart hammered in his chest painfully as panic set in.

He dove under the water, fighting against the current as a flash of green and blue caught his attention. Leo, with closed eyes and seemingly asleep, drifted down—pulled by the current to the bottom of the pool of swirling water. Raph swam down, struggling against his need to breathe. He wrapped his arms around Leo, pulling his brother in close before he kicked towards the surface. Leo was limp in his grip.

He broke through the surface of the water with a gasp for air. His chest heaved as he struggled for air and to remain on the surface of the water.

He turned his panicked gaze down on Leo and swallowed anxiously as he noticed his brother wasn't waking up and seemed deathly still. He spotted a ghastly bruise on the back of Leo's head and shook his brother. "Leo, Leo, come on. Wake up. I'm sorry, you were right—we shouldn't have come here." He sputtered in panic. Leo didn't respond with anything other than the lolling of his head every time Raph shook him.

"Raphael!" A sharp voice broke through Raph's panic. The young turtle looked up to see Master Splinter climbing down a rope that was secured to a pipe far above to reach the turtles in trouble.

"Sensei!" Raph called anxiously as he kicked through the water towards his father, holding Leo tightly. Master Splinter reached down as Raph drew closer and scooped the two turtles up into his free arm, grunting with effort.

"Raphael, hold onto my back, I cannot climb with the both of you in my arms." Master Splinter ordered. Raph did as he was told; releasing his hold on Leo and moving to hang off his master's back, wrapping his arms and legs around Splinter. The aged rat pulled the unconscious form of Leo close in his free arm as he held onto the rope tightly. He turned his gaze up as he climbed up to the top of the shaft.

Everything after that seemed to blur together to the eight year old Raphael. All he remembered was standing next to Leo's bed, watching his sensei carefully lift the eldest turtle from the hold of unconsciousness. Raph winced at the sight of the bandage around Leo's head as Leo's soft brown gaze fluttered open.

"Master?" Leo began. Master Splinter lifted the young turtle onto his lap and held him close. "I am here, Leonardo."

Leo quickly pulled away. "Where's Raph?" He asked quickly; worry creeping into his small voice.

"I'm right here." Raph said quietly, looking very much ashamed and guilty.

Leo's gaze turned on his red masked brother and relief entered his soft eyes. Master Splinter released his hold on Leo and moved back, his gaze narrowing. Raph swallowed, knowing what was next. He opened his mouth to speak.

"Sensei, I'm sorry. This was all my fault." Leo spoke swiftly. "Raph and the others tried to stop me, but I was being stubborn. I should've known better." The older turtle said as bowed his head and took the blame for the day's incident. "Raph saved me."

Raph stared at his brother incredulously. Leo took the blame for him. Master Splinter's gaze turned on Raph. "Is this true, Raphael?"

Raph turned from Leo to Splinter, uncertainty clouding his thoughts. Leo was willing to take the blame, even though it was Raph's fault. He swallowed as he decided he would rather go with Leo's plan than be punished by Master Splinter.

"Yeah." Raph said quickly.

"Very well, you may go. Leonardo will be disciplined accordingly." Master Splinter said.

Raph nodded and quickly ran off to his other two brothers. He didn't notice the look of pain that registered in Leo's eyes for a split second before vanishing as Splinter turned back to him.

~.~.~.~

**Five Years Later**

Leo sat cross-legged in the dojo, meditating while his brothers were watching T.V. in the living room. The scent of sandal-wood hung in the air around him as incense burned. He was surrounded by candles and his breathing was slow and relaxed. His eyes were closed and a peaceful expression had taken hold of his features.

Truthfully, he would have rather watched T.V. with his brothers. However, they had chosen to watch a horror flick and hadn't invited him to join them. Leo was fine with that. It gave him more time to practice and meditate. He had to be at his best to perform his duties as leader. It was better that they chose not to include him in such activities. It would only hinder him.

He had to keep distant to be the leader. His thoughts could be clouded if he spent more time messing around instead of training.

His brothers' safety came first.

If he had been meditating more—clearing his mind and becoming more attuned to his surroundings—he would've known that Don wasn't sleeping enough. If he had known that, he could've prevented the fire that broke out in Don's lab a few days prior. He had almost been too late to drag his brother out of the smoke and flames.

He had been watching a T.V. show when he could smell something burning. Most of his family was out that day—off collecting groceries. Don had been working on repairing something that Leo had broken and had almost set himself ablaze while correcting Leo's mistake.

No. Watching T.V. was no longer allowed. Leo had to focus. He had to be aware of everything, lest his brothers be endangered.

He had been focused more on his training lately. He hadn't spoken much, ate when he could, and slept only enough as he had to. His relationship with his brothers was strained. They no longer spoke to him unless they had to. Leo didn't mind. It gave him more time to train.

He had no problem being alone. If that was the price for his brother's safety, then he would gladly give up that connection with his brothers.

~.~.~.~

**Three Years Later**

The tired glances and the sharp words. The whispered taunts and insults behind his back.

"Splinter-Junior."

"Teacher's pet."

"Kiss-ass."

It stung, but it was a price to pay. He didn't mind the name-calling or the insults. He didn't mind the cold looks during training or the passive-aggressive behavior afterwards. They thought he was making them look bad. They thought he was doing it because he **_wanted_** to make them look bad.

They were wrong. He didn't want to hurt them in any way. He only wanted to protect them—the only way to do that was to be perfect. He couldn't afford to fail them—never. The cost was too great.

He needed to be perfect for them.

If that meant that they didn't like him for it, he would gladly accept that. He didn't mind the treatment. He just wanted them to be safe.

Leo stood in the dojo, running through the same kata for the five hundredth time. He could sense Raph watching him from the doorway, and he could sense the disapproval, disgust, and contempt.

He heard rather than felt Raphael move in and strike him. A fist to his face that sent him reeling back.

"You ain't perfect, asshole." Raph snarled under his breath.

Leo watched him with those steady brown eyes. "You're right. I'm not." He replied softly.

~.~.~.~

**Two Years Later**

Leo sat on the edge of the rooftop, watching the city below. Rain pelted his bruised and scarred skin. The scars were memories of his failures. The bruises were momentary reminders that he had to be better.

He leaned back, reveling in the feeling of the cold rain on his blemished emerald green skin. He closed his eyes and allowed the rain to wash the pain away.

"What are ya doing up here, Fearless?" A rough voice interrupted his reprieve.

Leo's eyes cracked open and he glanced over his shoulder at the form of Raph. His brother had his hands resting on the hilts of his sais and eyed Leo with contempt. Leo sighed and rose to his feet.

"I'm just heading back home, Raph."

Raph's gaze narrowed. "No you weren't, Leo. What's wrong with you? You've been moping around a lot more than usual."

Leo shrugged his shoulders. "I was just taking a breather, Raph. I'm fine."

Raph crossed his arms in front of his plastron. "Yeah, right Leo. You were just taking a breather in the middle of a thunderstorm."

As if to emphasize his point, a flash of lightning broke through the night sky—followed by a heavy clap of thunder. The wind whipped at their masks.

"Raph," Leo began with a sigh.

"No, Leo. What the fuck is wrong with you? You've been acting off for the past few months." Raph snarled.

Leo's shoulders slumped in defeat. "What do you want from me, Raph?" He asked tiredly.

Raph surged forward, gripping Leo by the leather strap that ran diagonally down his plastron. He pulled Leo close to his face, his amber gaze was smoldering. "You know what I want, Leo."

The blue masked turtle looked more tired than ever up close. His soft brown gaze betrayed his exhaustion.

"I really don't, Raph." And he didn't. None of his brothers had bothered him about his mental and emotional health before.

Raph growled and shoved him back, sending Leo stumbling onto his shell with a thud. Leo looked up at his brother tiredly—unsure of how to react at this point.

Raph's gaze narrowed as he ground his teeth. He finally spit out three words that dripped with malice and anger.

"I hate you."

Leo blinked once as the words took their desired effect. Raph hated him. Leo dropped his gaze to the ground as coldness filled his chest. Raph hated him.

His brother hated him. He closed his eyes for a moment before lifting his gaze back up to Raph.

That was okay. If that was the price he had to pay, he could accept it.

He had to be perfect for them. If that meant that they hated him, then he would take the hit. He swallowed and met Raph's hard gaze.

"That's okay, Raph." He said softly.

Raph's eyes went wide before they narrowed again and he snatched hold of the leather strap that ran down Leo's plastron. He pulled Leo to his feet and Leo noticed the tears blurring Raph's eyes then.

Why was Raphael crying?

Raph's shoulders shook. "What the hell is wrong with you, Leo?" He choked out and he drew his brother into an embrace. "You don't even feel anythin' when I say somethin' like that. What the hell happened, Leo?"

The turtle in question thought back on that. When had he started to believe that he had to shoulder everything alone? What made him do this to himself?

_His eyes fluttered open, accompanied by a headache. He could hear voices and he noticed Master Splinter holding him tightly._

_"Master?"_

_"I am here, Leonardo?"_

_Then he remembered it. Raph falling from the edge of the drop into the shaft. His scream of terror._

_"Where's Raph?" He asked quickly, concern and panic taking over._

_"I'm right here." Raph's voice was quiet and reserved. He felt guilty for what had happened._

_Leo studied him silently, noting the shame and guilt that weighed heavy on Raph's shoulders. His brother was hurting. He thought it was his fault that Leo was hurt—and it sort of was. Leo could sense the hurt deep inside of Raph._

_He turned to his master and decided that he had to take responsibility for Raph. He couldn't stand to see his brother looking so guilty and hurt. He had to protect his brother from that pain, even if it meant that Splinter would be upset with him and punish him._

_He didn't want any of his brothers to hurt like that._

Leo closed his eyes. "I took the blame." He whispered.


End file.
